Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Pet Peeves

I love you, pet lovers. I love that you take joy in your animals. 

I confess concern that some of you must take your animals everywhere. I once had a run-in with a lady carrying her tiny pooch in Macy's, who said to a disapproving make-up counter lady, "Well, what do you want me to do? Leave him HOME?"

I recognize that this is an extreme case. Despite noting FortiFido on clearance back in December, I generally keep silent; I married an animal lover; I'm pals with other animal lovers. But Fancy Feast, the people who've spent years trying to convince us to feed our cats out of stemware, has pushed me over the edge. 

I am begging you: standing on my hind legs, looking at you with big eyes. Please. Do not buy your cats an appetizer. If you really want to spoil Mr. Whiskers, buy a feeder mouse and let it loose in your home.  If you're really well off, clear your shelves and get it a parakeet. Or install an indoor pool and stock it with koi. It might get a little messy, but he's worth it, right?

Maybe that's what I'll do come fall. I'll open a trophy ranch for cats. With a spa.

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