Best 'truth in advertising' phrases

Just now, in my junk email, I found this:

R0lex Repl!cas: Gorgeous looking craftsmanship

I decided that this is one of the finest, truest titles on a junk email ever. Our anonymous copywriter is not claiming that the product is made with great skill. Could it fall apart as you take it our of the box? Absolutely. But it looks gorgeously made, and somewhere, somebody is going to want that. I guess. Or perhaps they are trying to distract me with a few code words that appeal to me as a consumer, as discussed in this book on rhetoric.

This got me wondering - what other wonderful bits of truth have you encountered in advertising? Any favorites?

Manger deLuxe

I was going to do a jokey bit of writing, because my house is far from festive right now. I was going to claim trendsetter status for the 'authentic Christmas' set: just let the kids go wild, bedrooms can grow into even more of a pit, trash may remain strewn about ... I was going to say that I'd put a cease and desist on all vacuuming, stop the flow of propane and let the temperature drop in remembrance of my barn-born King.

Manger Chic, I was going to call it, until I discovered that phrase had been taken, in honor of parents in Great Britain who feel that their children must excel in every aspect of life, including their Nativity play costumes.

That's right, $200+ bucks spent on a child's costume for a school play about God being born in a stable. And before I get all uppity, I've got to ask myself, are my choices much better than that?

But It's on Clearance!

I just love finding special products like this one, for dogs too good to drink from the hose, dogs bored with mud puddles, dogs with a discriminating palate ... I wonder if there's special doggie stemware for this - and if you have to switch glasses for the parsley flavor.

Up and up

Lately, one of my latent skills has been called up to the surface. I can juggle.

I am not using juggling as a metaphor. I can't, for instance, juggle laundry and dishes and home-cooked meals and writing. If I could get one of those things done a day, I'd be doing well. Or better than today, anyway. I am speaking of literal, simple juggling.

I'm not sure exactly how the word got out about my days as a mime (will you still be my friend?), but I found myself helping a friend with his technique the day after Thanksgiving. Perhaps it reflects a national mood: while I was out examining the cyber-landscape (thanks, kottke.org), I found this blog entry on why normal people should juggle.

Yes, it is one part shameless promotion, but it is two parts true. Especially the parts that discuss being excited about the potential of others and avoiding being mistaken for a fascist dictator.

Check out the link. If a class in Hollywood is out of reach, try the library.