Wednesday, October 7, 2009

WT5: upsides to a power outage

Here in my little town, we lose power when the wind changes direction. Any wind. Any change. Last November, they predicted that we'd be out for at least three weeks if Obama became president.

Imaginary scare tactics aside, living here means dealing with bugs, and critters, and hours or days without electricity. Here are my Top 5 upsides to a power outage:

1) Disguises the dust. Candlelight and battery-operated lanterns are better than Pledge.

2) Reduces hunting season chafe. No power=no television. No television=no having to watch the 16th million whitetail deer stalked through binoculars from a blind by a guy breathing heavy as dramatic music swells. Will he shoot the deer? Will he track the deer? Will they try to sell you Doe In Estrus before they give you the money shot? Land sakes, menfolk, is it your plan to drive us all batty with these shows so we'll beg you to leave? Haha - you've been thwarted by poor infrastructure of DTE.

3) Forces you to focus. Not that I have a problem with this, but let's say 'a friend' is a freelance writer who obsesses over work and haunts her email and social networking sites desperate for her next story idea. She knows that she needs underwear, but gets sidetracked every time she heads toward the washing machine with the aforementioned unmentionables. During an outage, she would have to set aside both tasks and clean out her car. Or something.

4) Eliminates the video game wars. For whatever reason, video games inspire the child players in my house to behave like l’il world powers. Each decrees what the others must do. If said proclamations are not heeded in an accurate, thorough and timely manner, there are consequences: threats, toy-sharing embargoes. The situation quickly escalates into pain. UNO does not stir the same response. 

5) Increases gratitude upon its return. The lights come on, and there is a triumphant cheer. It's like a parade, a cavalcade; the refrigerator ought to shoot confetti and balloons. Electricity, oh how we've missed you and the running water you bring forth from our well. A gift! A miracle! That which was once curs├ęd as the harbinger of Versus Cable Television and PS2 is now recast as hero. 

Yes, indeed, there is much rejoicing. And bathing.

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