Pop Tart Fantasyland

Before I get into it, let's properly acknowledge the Pop Tart. A friend, just one week ago, described the Pop Tart with a phrase, something like "cardboard-y perfection." I believe she was a strawberry with frosting and sprinkles gal, untoasted. I'm more of the brown sugar cinnamon type, or chocolate fudge. Toasted, please, and with frosting, of course. Who's running around eating naked Pop Tarts?

Now that I've established my appreciation of the processed pastry, here's the thing. The breakfast guru and I saw this ad, and we were wonderstruck by its ridiculousness. If you haven't seen it, watch for the banner on the plane at the end:



"Baked With Real Fruit"? Do they throw an apple core on the conveyor belt?

I supposed that maybe, maybe the fruit-based varieties might have a portion of a fruit in each tart. I checked: of its total ingredients, the frosted strawberry includes 2% or less of dried strawberries, dried apples, and dried pears for less than 1 gram of dietary fiber.

But what of my sort of flavors?

There it is. Right in the middle, below and to the left of the "I". Maraschino cherry. I didn't see it on the ingredient list, but it's got to be in there, right?