The Mohawk of Outrage

The goal of standardized gestures in elocution is clarity for both the sender and receiver. Few modern moves are more clear than The Mohawk of Outrage, which can be seen across the wide expanses of office cubes and public transportation.

The heel of the hand should be aligned with the temple 2-4” off of the head. Fingers should be spread apart, but with ease and without strain. The wrist should cock the hand slightly forward. Again, there should be no strain. Don’t try to make ‘angry hands’. The rage is articulated by position, not tension, and most people confuse ‘angry hands’ with ‘jazz hands’. If you are outraged, the last thing you need is your audience breathlessly awaiting a Bob Fosse routine.

It is also important that the hand never contact the head. This prevents confusion with the very passé Rooster Bang of Irritation or Eyepatch of Disdain.

If you find yourself deeply outraged, you may place your non-dominant hand in a mirror position, creating The Double Mohawk of Outrage.

Caution: this move is suitable for indoor use only. Attempts to execute this maneuver in the wild account for between zero and 27% of all hunting accidents in the U.S.

But It's on Clearance!

I just love finding special products like this one, for dogs too good to drink from the hose, dogs bored with mud puddles, dogs with a discriminating palate ... I wonder if there's special doggie stemware for this - and if you have to switch glasses for the parsley flavor.

Up and up

Lately, one of my latent skills has been called up to the surface. I can juggle.

I am not using juggling as a metaphor. I can't, for instance, juggle laundry and dishes and home-cooked meals and writing. If I could get one of those things done a day, I'd be doing well. Or better than today, anyway. I am speaking of literal, simple juggling.

I'm not sure exactly how the word got out about my days as a mime (will you still be my friend?), but I found myself helping a friend with his technique the day after Thanksgiving. Perhaps it reflects a national mood: while I was out examining the cyber-landscape (thanks, kottke.org), I found this blog entry on why normal people should juggle.

Yes, it is one part shameless promotion, but it is two parts true. Especially the parts that discuss being excited about the potential of others and avoiding being mistaken for a fascist dictator.

Check out the link. If a class in Hollywood is out of reach, try the library.